World knows that former Governor of DKI Jakarta
province Basuki Tjahja Purnama has been
sentenced to two years for blasphemy. This what makes us so happy as Indonesians.
Our mission's accomplished! Oh, and we always love how our judiciary
works (not only for this particular case). Looking forward to 'Ahokizing' (yup, it's a thing) other people in
another city or regency in Indonesia!
Anyways...
Let's get into the main course. I'm
a Purwakartan—a legitimate and
lawful voter for the upcoming West Java Gubernatorial election 2018—who would like to share some
tips on how to win West Java voters' heart.
So, if you're planning to run for West Java office in 2018, you're
reading the right source. If
these
tips don't work as expected,
you may file a lawsuit against me. You all know where I live (
it's Twitter).
Okay,
here are my
tips:
1. Make
Sure that You're A Muslim, Seriously
First and foremost, it's pivotal to make sure
that "Islam" is written in your ID card. No, we don't really fancy
non-muslim candidates (especially if you hurt our feelings). We don't really care if you personally practice, let alone internalize,
islamic values like tolerance, patience, compassion, and what not. We just care about your religious legal identity.
Here's the fact, a research by Indikator
Politik Indonesia points out
most Sundanese who live in East and South Jakarta, who
earns IDR 2-4 million/month
are satisfied with Ahok's work as
Jakarta Governor but are reluctant to vote for him, and 16% of respondents
would vote for Anies-Sandi
because they are muslim (believe in the same God
as theirs).
And, if you extend your reading on the research, you might find
"feelings" factor has played quite significant roles in influencing voters'
behavior rather than sole credible track records.
2. Develop
Sugar Mouth Skills
Rhetorics. We love them. If you deliver them in
the most abstract, flowery, philosophical, smooth,
and kind way possible, we love them even more. Anies-Sandi is a perfect example for
you to learn. Well, majority of Jakartans seem to love the concept of
"Keberpihakan (Partiality)" word, and, hey, it's proven, they’ve
elected the leaders they deserve desire. Learn from the best!
…Or,
you may want to follow Purwakarta Regent Dedi Mulyadi's step by using a more cultural sense of words
like Spirit Ki Sunda, Dangiang Galuh Pakuan, or something vernacular like that, you know. These culturally philosophical jargons may
effectively attract influential
people who really care
about Sundanese culture to vote you. Again, always learn from the best.
3. Involve
Clerics in Your Campaign
If you’re financially capable of hiring GNPF-MUI Management to help you with your campaign, book
them from now, book them fast. Always hire the best.
Well, if you can't, you have to work your ass off
to engage with muslim clerics throughout West Java cities and regencies to work
for with you. Make sure that your name is constantly mentioned in Friday
prayer sermons by the preachers (it's an efficient campaign). Pay attention, religion is a
very important, if not determining, ingredient for you to prevail.
4. Proven
Track Records. What the hell is that?
It's boring, you know. We don't need to hear your
rational programs, proven track records or whatever you think substantial for
us—West Java voters—to know or comprehend. No thank you, we're not
interested. Seriously, though.
Please don't talk about your visions on West Java
infrastructures, people's welfare, labor and teacher issues, connectivity,
digitalization, equality or whatever. They, my friend, are so unattractive. We've had enough
thinking hard and critical. We just want to have fun, okay?
Final Word
Now, I challenge West Java voters to prove me
wrong in 2018.