What I Learned from Rejections
What is rejection? Based on my understanding and experience, it’s when wishful thinking meets reality.
So, in my minimalistic head, I have this picture of having a nice outdoor BBQ party with this lady, the future mother of my kids, and both of our parents also in laws are there too. Kids are playing around, mothers are busy making the table, the Fathers are cooking the beef, and all.
Then, boom! She said no for me love, amigo. She might mean “not yet”.. not now. But, still it’s translated as a rejection.
I wonder... why rejection hurt so much?
I reckon, in romantic affairs context, it’s because:
- I feel that I’m on the right party for being in the ‘wanting’ side instead of the ‘wanted’ one,
- I think that I’m better than the other guy and most essentially,
- it hurts so much because I know that I’m worthy of love.
And, that’s right. I deserve to be loved. Every one deserves to be loved.
So, does it mean that someone who rejects me a bad person? That’s rarely the case.
You know, no feelings should be forced.
In other context, some people are rejected by society for having a special need, being kind of different, ill, etc. I think, society in that regard, is utterly awful and that’s so fuckin’ wrong.
In my recent case, the rejection involves romance. The fact is, it’s every one’s rights to embrace or reject a love statement of someone. Now, when the answer is a "No", it’s up to me whether or not I want to learn something from it or get negatively carried away.
I chose the former. I learned that:
1. Rejection is an International Affair
It happens everywhere in the world; Addis Ababa, Ulaanbaatar, Jakarta, Pristina, Vilnius, Riga, São Tomé, Gaborone, Rostock, Basseterre, Bishkek, and wherever… Probably in (you know, some people will get rejected to enter) the Heaven too.
In a nutshell, we shouldn’t be exaggerating rejection when it happens to us. Realize that it could happen to people anywhere, and many of them can get over it just fine.
It’s probably hard, but it’s possible.
2. It reminds me to appreciate what I’m having even more
So my world fell apart when I got rejected by someone. It happened.
But, I remembered that I still have family, house to come home to, close friends to have a conversation with, pets to take care of (and they look after me too), hobbies to commit to and explore to.
Those amazing things have given so much to my life. Clearly, it’s unfair and selfish to overlook those precious things just because of rejections that happened to me.
I’ve changed my perspective, and will appreciate them even more.
3. It teaches me not to give up on me
How could I keep us together, in the future, if I couldn’t even handle myself? I should not give up on me just like I should not give up on you.
I should not give up on us. That should be the scenario.
So, if I’m keeping on consciously overwhelmed, agonized in a sorrow of rejection, this means that I’ve just proved that I’m not good enough for myself, let alone others.
4. Rejection makes me a drug maker of me own
Rejection is a serious shit that makes me feel like I’m severely wounded, alone, sucked by negativity.
I have to do something about it.
I make, if not looking for, my own medication for my aforementioned terrible circumstances.
I was the one who's rejected, I was the one experiencing that particular moment with that particular person, and I had no plenty options. On that note, I should be my own drug maker of my own. Who would want to kindly volunteer, right?
5. Rejection teaches me not to stop loving myself
I start to love myself, not in narcissism sense, but in a more appreciative way now. I start to realize that, well, maybe I’m just okay, not bad, not that ugly, and there are many aspects of me that can be appreciated too.
I suggest you do the same too (if you have done it, well that’s great!).
For a person with quarter-life crisis who is also having an occasional inferiority complex, I find this step can really be confidence-bloating.
It helps me to realize that somehow… I’m not a piece of shit.
Some people may know that I’d been rejected by some junior high school friends, rejected by the ladies I like all the time (only once in my life that a lady’s feelings reciprocate to mine and it was amazing), rejected by many companies for a job, rejected in social media by the Regent of Purwakarta (I got blocked by him), etc.
Everything in life will not always go exactly as I hope.
At some point, people will get rejected in their life for being whatever, sooner or later.
Rejection is inevitable. Embrace it, love.