Say It to My Face

Say it to my face you don't want to spend the rest of your life with me.

Say it to my face you don't want me to be there beside you when you're delivering our first child.

Say it to my face you don't want me to be your bed mate, the one you see every morning.

Say it to my face you don't want to witness any sun rises with me on the patio, let alone the sunset.

Say it to my face you will never be interested in my star-gazing dating plan.

Say it to my face you can't picture us together having a happy, vibrant outdoor BBQ party with our lovely friends and family.

Say it loudly to my face you won't get wound up when I'm not around.

Say it to my face that you ask me nothing but to sod off.

Say it to my face that it's nearly impossible for me to feel what it means to be yours

to be more.

Say it to my face that you don't know that I'm not chasing anyone else.

Say it to my face that I'm just nowhere near your Cell Phone Prince Charming.

Say it to my face that I suck at doing essential things as a human being.

Say it to my face, "no more trying to be nice-game for me, you've got to accept the truth!"

Say it to my face you couldn't careless for whatever happens in my life forever.

Say it to my face you will never ever miss my call, my voice, every shit about me.

Say it to my face that I'm not a fragment you're looking for.

Say it to my face that what you feel about me is nothing but a pity.

Say it to my face that you'll never get my jokes.

Say it to my face that my music is just as poor as my writings.

Say it to my face that I should stop being annoying as fuck.

Say it to my face that you can deny my love, his love, that man's love, that guy's love and his love too.

Say it to my face that a glass of milk tastes better than a fucking silly Espresso, always.

Say it to my face, don't hold yourself love, that you've never been interested in me from the get-go.

Say it right to my face that I've got to let go and carry on dying.

Say it to my face that you understand that everybody needs somebody, but I'm just an anomaly.

Say it to my face that you don't understand why I should always dramatize shit.

Say it all genuinely, sincerely, honestly.

One day. Tomorrow maybe.

Jakarta, 24 August 2016

Panduan Politik, Geografi, Sosial dan Ekonomi bagi Perantau asal Purwakarta

Hidup sebagai perantau asal Purwakarta tidaklah semudah yang Anda pikirkan. Apalagi ketika Bupati Anda adalah Dedi Mulyadi. Rasanya cukup berat.

Menjadi bagian dari kabupaten terkecil kedua di provinsi Jawa Barat seringkali terasa lebih menantang ketika Anda harus menjelaskan diri Anda ke orang-orang di kota lain yang lebih populer seperti Jakarta, Bandung, Yogyakarta atau Makassar.

What I Learned from Rejections

What is rejection? Based on my understanding and experience, it’s when wishful thinking meets reality.

 

Wishful thinking:

So, in my minimalistic head, I have this picture of having a nice outdoor BBQ party with this lady, the future mother of my kids, and both of our parents also in laws are there too. Kids are playing around, mothers are busy making the table, the Fathers are cooking the beef, and all.

Reality:

Then, boom! She said no for me love, amigo. She might mean “not yet”.. not now. But, still it’s translated as a rejection.

source

I wonder... why rejection hurt so much? 

I reckon, in romantic affairs context, it’s because:

• I feel that I’m on the right party for being in the ‘wanting’ side instead of the ‘wanted’ one, 
• I think that I’m better than the other guy and most essentially, 
• it hurts so much because I know that I’m worthy of love.

And, that’s right. I deserve to be loved. Every one deserves to be loved.

So, does it mean that someone who rejects me a bad person? That’s rarely the case. 

You know, no feelings should be forced.

In other context, some people are rejected by society for having a special need, being kind of different, ill, etc. I think, society in that regard, is utterly awful and that’s so fuckin’ wrong.

In my recent case, the rejection involves romance. The fact is, it’s every one’s rights to embrace or reject a love statement of someone. Now, when the answer is a "No", it’s up to me whether or not I want to learn something from it or get negatively carried away.

I chose the former. I learned that: 

1. Rejection is an International Affair

It happens everywhere in the world; Addis Ababa, Ulaanbaatar, Jakarta, Pristina, Vilnius, Riga, São Tomé, Gaborone, Rostock, Basseterre, Bishkek, and wherever… Probably in (you know, some people will get rejected to enter) the Heaven too.

In a nutshell, we shouldn’t be exaggerating rejection when it happens to us. Realize that it could happen to people anywhere, and many of them can get over it just fine. 

It’s probably hard, but it’s possible.

2. It reminds me to appreciate what I’m having even more

So my world fell apart when I got rejected by someone. It happened.

But, I remembered that I still have family, house to come home to, close friends to have a conversation with, pets to take care of (and they look after me too), hobbies to commit to and explore to.

Those amazing things have given so much to my life. Clearly, it’s unfair and selfish to overlook those precious things just because of rejections that happened to me.

I’ve changed my perspective, and will appreciate them even more.

3. It teaches me not to give up on me

How could I keep us together, in the future, if I couldn’t even handle myself? I should not give up on me just like I should not give up on you. 

I should not give up on us. That should be the scenario.

So, if I’m keeping on consciously overwhelmed, agonized in a sorrow of rejection, this means that I’ve just proved that I’m not good enough for myself, let alone others.

4. Rejection makes me a drug maker of me own

Rejection is a serious shit that makes me feel like I’m severely wounded, alone, sucked by negativity.

I have to do something about it.

I make, if not looking for, my own medication for my aforementioned terrible circumstances. 

I was the one who's rejected, I was the one experiencing that particular moment with that particular person, and I had no plenty options. On that note, I should be my own drug maker of my own. Who would want to kindly volunteer, right?

5. Rejection teaches me not to stop loving myself

I start to love myself, not in narcissism sense, but in a more appreciative way now. I start to realize that, well, maybe I’m just okay, not bad, not that ugly, and there are many aspects of me that can be appreciated too.

I suggest you do the same too (if you have done it, well that’s great!).

For a person with quarter-life crisis who is also having an occasional inferiority complex, I find this step can really be confidence-bloating.

It helps me to realize that somehow… I’m not a piece of shit.

source

Closing

Some people may know that I’d been rejected by some junior high school friends, rejected by the ladies I like all the time (only once in my life that a lady’s feelings reciprocate to mine and it was amazing), rejected by many companies for a job, rejected in social media by the Regent of Purwakarta (I got blocked by him), etc.

Everything in life will not always go exactly as I hope. 

At some point, people will get rejected in their life for being whatever, sooner or later.

Rejection is inevitable. Embrace it, love.

Hari Akbar Muharamsyah #KAMUBAIK

Hari Akbar Muharamsyah

Setelah Arief Budiman menjadi #KAMUBAIK pertama saya, kini saya ingin sekali mengurai kebaikan seseorang yang sama-sama bertipe Tangan Kanan sejati, Hari Akbar Muharamsyah.

Hmm.. Agak bingung untuk memulai #KAMUBAIK mengenai Hari. Saya mengenal Hari ketika kelas 2 SMA di SMAN 1 Purwakarta. Hari berasal dari Plered, tepatnya di sebuah daerah dekat perbatasan Purwakarta dengan Kabupaten Bandung Barat.

Mari kita mulai mengenali poin-poin kebaikan Hari:

I Wrote A Love Letter And It Felt So Amazing

This picture was taken by the addressee

That's right. I fell in love again, someone has broken my defense after a long long.. time. This time to the right lady but probably in a wrong time (as always). To explain this, I'll try to answer some questions you never ask that I made myself.

Why did I write this letter?

Because I want to experience good things that my Mom and Dad had experienced. It was literally spontaneous. Never thought that I would do that before, but when I realized that I was an incompetent Text Messengger and emoticon player, I thought it was a good idea to essentially express myself through written, carefully thought, emotional but emoticonless letters. To think further, in this era where instant speedy result is somehow the key, it is unlikely for my generation to do this kind of activity with their loved ones. I would admit that there were sensations like no other before, during and after writing a proper letter. So fulfilling.

Who I wrote this letter to?

Someone who gives me constant braingasms I've been craving for eons. As far as I remember, the very first time I met her in my life was somewhere around Pasar Jumat Purwakarta area in 2009. She was with her Mom and I was accompanying mine, and they are close friends by the way. I remember my first thought when meeting her was, "This lady is definitely out of my league. I should forget this". It turns out that she is. Can't tell her name, I've troubled her life enough, all right?

Why writing letter now? Why her?

Stupid question, Brain. Next!

5 Hal Penting yang Harus Anda Ketahui Tentang Kebijakan Konyol Terbaru di Purwakarta

Via Liputan6

Pemerintah Kabupaten Purwakarta kembali mengharapkan perhatian Anda di bulan Agustus 2016 dengan cara menaikkan kembali berita larangan membawa kendaraan bermotor bagi pelajar. Kebijakan ini terasa salah ketika guru mulai menjadi pihak yang disalahkan, mempengaruhi kenaikkan kelas murid, dan adanya anggapan akun Twitter penggemar garis keras calon Gubernur Planet Venus 2018, Dedi Mulyadi, yang menyebut generasi pengguna bis sekolah merupakan “generasi lemah.” Ya, katakan itu di depan wajah murid-murid sekolah di Kota Bandung!